


Coping

by Rajlez



Series: Dansenverse [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Mentions of oc character, fic is a little bit cute a little bit sad, mention (1) of Sanvers, oc was Kelly's fiancée
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 17:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rajlez/pseuds/Rajlez
Summary: Alex and Kelly have been dating for some time, now Alex is facing a problem, but maybe Kara will be able to help.Can be read as standalone





	Coping

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah summary sucks.. and title
> 
> Anyway this is a little something that I started working on not too long after finishing my previous Dansen fic, after seeing somewhere that in USA coins are placed on soldiers tombstones and it grew up from there
> 
> This can be read either as part 2 in my dansenverse series or as standalone

"Are you eating a donut in front of my door in the middle of a day?" - Alex hears her sister's voice to her left and turns head in that direction, chewing the donut - "What's going on?" - Kara is opening the door to her apartment, prompting Alex to stop leaning on the wall and follow her inside.

They walk in silence and stop at the kitchen island. Kara places a still closed bottle of beer and an opener in front of Alex with expecting expression, just in time for Alex to finish the donut - "It's Kelly."

The worry shows on Kara's face before Alex can do or say anything more - "Kelly? Did something happen to her? Has she done something to you?"

Really, Alex can't do anything else but smile at the amount of care while she opens the bottle - "No, no, we are doing great." - she pauses, taking a sip of beer and adds as if in afterthought - "I at least think so.." - she sighs, then explains situation - "she has been more sad lately, contemplative, every time she thinks I'm not paying attention. When I catch her and ask about it, she just brushes it off." - moving hand through her hair she looks to the side - "I must admit, for a therapist she is very good at avoiding talking about stuff."

Her words provoke a short chuckle from Kara, but she quickly collects herself - "Sorry, sorry, but the irony..."

Alex exhales - "You tell me?" - she says and rests head on her hand, elbow on the island, while other plays with the bottle's cap, before she lets it fall, in order to take another sip of the beer

"Maybe James knows what's going on with her?" - Alex can only imagine her expression and look she's giving her sister while being mid-gulp, as Kara quickly continues - "No? He doesn't?"

Alex puts down the bottle, entwining her fingers around it's neck - "Considering that he is the one who asked me that question a few days ago, no."

"Damn it" - says Kara, to which Alex just nods. They stay in silence for several long seconds, but then Kara speaks again - "And you are sure she is fully aware that she can speak to you about... things?" - Kara finishes, unsure, of what Alex isn't sure, her reaction? Probably not, they know eachother very well and Alex knows that this question is just Kara trying to help find out what is happening. After all this is what Alex came here for.

"I think so." - she sighs again - "I told her she can count on me on several various occasions since we started dating" - she pauses, taking the cap into left hand to play with it - "and before that."

Kara nods, thinking for a moment - "Maybe she isn't fully used to the thought that she can rely on someone?" - Alex looks up and has to have questioning expression on her face as Kara quickly continues - "We both know James wasn't the best big brother, so she had to be self-reliant and her being in the army didn't help, I guess?"

Alex frowns, remembering Kelly's words, how she had to hide the pain of losing her fiancée for months and how they both had to hide their relationship before that. She can feel her frown deepening, while she is looking at the bottle - "You might be onto something." - she looks back up, at Kara's face - "Thanks, that helped."

Kara's response is a big smile - "Of course, always." - she reaches out to pat Alex's hand and take the cap from her - "Kelly mentioned a meeting with an agent on game night at J'onn's, but I don't know how that went. Has she found something? It's been a few weeks"

Alex feels herself smiling too, as a response to her sister, as well as talking about her girlfriend - "Yes, it took several meetings and a lot of seen apartments, but yes, she found the one. She moved in like, five days ago."

"Five days ago! And I knew nothing! We could've helped her with furniture!"

Alex chuckles at her sister's outburst - "Easy, easy. You'll get your chance. Right now there is only the most necessary furniture. You know, bed, fridge, those kind of stuff. I and James dealt with it."

"Still!" - Kara is half-pouting - "It would be done faster with me."

"Yeah, great idea. Kara Danvers carrying up a big, heavy couch alone. Totally nothing unusual." - Kara narrows her eyes at Alex and hearing the words, throws the cap at Alex - "hey!"

"That was unnecessary Alex." - she says - "Although you have a point, but still... Supergirl could've helped!"

"And why would she do that?"

"Because she helps people" - Kara says it like it's the most obvious thing on the Earth and beyond... and okay it is - "Because it wouldn't be the first time she helps someone with furniture?" - right, all those times when Kara helped with assembling an IKEA kit - "and maybe because she'd like to meet a new girlfriend of someone she is working very closely with?"

That makes the red lights in Alex's head go off - "No!"

"What? No? Why?"

"Because it sounds like Supergirl would like to give Kelly the talk." - she pauses, one finger up in the air, while Kara looks like someone caught red-handed - "And we both know that you already did it. No need for redoing anything." - she finishes, remembering how Kelly shyly admitted that Kara made her feel a little uneasy back then. She wanted to talk to her sister about it, but Kelly stopped her, saying how that wasn't necessary. In the end she offered lots of snuggling and kissing in order to make it up to her girlfriend, who seemed content with how the things went.

Kara throws hands up in the air - "Okay, fine, no super-talks."

"Good" - They sit in silence for a while, Kara looking at her fingers while drumming them on the island's top. But Alex can't help herself, she is curious and wants to get to the bottom of her sister's unusual behaviour - "Why though?"

Kara stops movement of fingers for a while, raising head to glance at Alex - "Why what?"

Alex sighs, is she really going to pretend? - "Why are you so- why do you act like that?" - Kara keeps looking at her fingers, not responding, but seems to be ashamed, maybe a little guilty - "Kara." - Alex continues after a minute in silence - "You never acted like this when I was with Maggie-" - next part of the sentence is cut off when Kara speaks

"Yes and look how it went." - Alex, despite the confused frown she must have on her face, notices that one of Kara's hands is curled into fist. Then Kara sighs, raising the hand to her face, pinching her nose - "You were hurting, because of her." - she says it softly, quietly, Alex barely hearing the words, but she does and, figuratively speaking, they make her melt inside

"Kara..." - she whispers, although that's too much to say. Even Alex herself more felt than heard her saying the name, still, she is sure Kara heard her

"And I know, I know" - Kara looks Alex in the eyes when she repeats the word - "that having this talk with Maggie would have changed nothing, like the fact that I had it with Kelly changes nothing, but..." - she sighs once more - "but I feel like I haven't done enough, haven't been a good enough sister." - and Alex wants to cut in, tell Kara that she's being ridiculous, but Kara, as if sensing Alex's intentions, shakes her head - "And I guess, I just, I want to be sure I've done everything right, this time. Show you that I support you and I'm always in your corner, no matter what."

Alex gets up and walks to Kara, hugging her. Kara hugs her back, face pressing into Alex's chest because she is still sitting, when Alex speaks - "And you call me a dummy?"

Kara chuckles, tightening her hold on Alex - "Yes."

Alex kisses the top of Kara's head, then shakes her own - "You dummy..." - she says, putting emphasis on you, making Kara snort, then pulls back from the hug - "Thank you." - she comes back to her seat - "Although, you don't have to do all of this, there is no reason to."

Kara looks at Alex, shaking her head - "But Alex, you're my sister and I love you." - she takes a breath - "Isn't that a good reason?"

Alex moves hand through her hair - "Goddammit Kara, you sap." - and Kara just shrugs, trying to hide her smile because she already knows she won this 'argument' - "I love you too." - sisters smile at each other for a short while - "You know, now that I'm thinking about it, there is something you could help me with."

Kara's only response is a big grin.

_DNS_

Kelly cames out the elevator, it's not even three pm yet, but she's already tired after all interviews she had today. She forgot how exhausting hunting for a job is. Kelly takes the keys from the purse and starts opening the door. Luckily it looks like her last interview is going somewhere and she might get a job in that company, she can't wait for it to happen to tell Alex about it! Alex, who- is currently standing in her apartment?

"Alex?" - she says, frozen in entrance, halfway through taking the purse off her arm

Alex scratches back of her neck, shyly saying - "Hi" - and then walking toward Kelly, closing the door, while Kelly puts the purse on the shelf under the hanger. Then Alex is helping her with her coat, hanging it, that's when Kelly turns to her

"You.. are here." - Alex nods, biting her lip, sight that usually is very distracting, but now Kelly is too shocked to let it influence her - "Do you have keys?" - she doesn't remember giving them to Alex, or anyone else, but maybe?

"No"

It doesn't help Kelly in figuring out how Alex got here, but at least she knows she has no memory issues - "Then how did you get in here?"

Alex blushes slightly, looking down for a while and once her head is back up she points at something behind Kelly - "Your window was open."

Kelly can feel her eyes grow wide while she looks at Alex, before glancing for a longer moment at the said, wide opened, window - "Window..." - she then looks back at her girlfriend - "Alex, we are on thirteenth floor." - Alex just nods at that - "Then how-" - Kelly doesn't think it's actually possible, but she thinks her eyes open even more widely because of the thought that came to her mind. But this is thirteenth floor, Alex wouldn't... - "Please don't tell me you climbed up to the window."

Alex seems surprised by the suggestion when she glances at the window and then back at Kelly - "No, I'm not crazy." - and Kelly sighs in relief - "Although it could be possible, if the magnets in my gloves would be strong enough and we would add some to the boots..."

"Alex, no."

Alex opens mouth, as if to argue, but thinks better of it, if her closing it and breathing in through the nose, is any indication - "I'm not planning on doing that, just to be clear." - she scratches side of her head - "And Supergirl helped me."

"Supergirl helped you to get into my apartment?" - Alex nods once more - "Why?"

And there it is, that mischievous smile of Alex's, it shows up while Alex wraps her hands around Kelly's waist and brings her closer - "Because I asked her." - Kelly opens her mouth, it seems today is the day when she will have to fight for the answers, but Alex cuts her off - "Because I wanted to do something nice for my girlfriend who was feeling down lately." - and Kelly wants to argue, even if Alex is right, but she can't as Alex is kissing her - "And no, it's not some elaborate plan to get you to tell me what is bothering you." - she adds after the kiss and starts leading Kelly further into the apartment, eyes set on the room, in a way forcing Kelly to walk backwards, as Alex is not letting go of her - "I know I've been irritating you with trying to pry the answer out of you, so today is all about helping you relax after the long day of interviews." - she looks at Kelly and asks - "How did it go by the way?"

"Good" - she pecks Alex's lips and then continues - "I think I might get a job in one of today's companies."

Alex raises an eyebrow, smiling at her - "Oh? That's great. Are you going to tell me what it is?"

She shakes her head, smiling too - "No"

Alex sighs heavily, feigning exasperation, till she finally says - "Fine. I can accept that." - meeting Kelly's unbelieving expression she repeats - "I can. Now, I was planning on preparing a warm, relaxing bath for you, but you have a shower only."

Kelly nods, biting her lip - "For now."

"Right, for now." - Alex is clearly amused while she unties Kelly's ponytail - "So, since there is no bath, I suggest you to take a warm shower."

Feeling unusually bold, considering all the circumstances, including the thing she doesn't want to talk or even think about, Kelly allows her hand to snuck under Alex's shirt, to rest on her abs and asks - "Will you be joining me?"

Alex eyebrows shot up and traces of blush appear on her cheeks - "Oh, uhm, no."

"A shame" - Kelly keeps her hand on Alex's abdomen and moves closer, pressing their bodies together - "since it is supposed to be relaxing shower..." - she trails off, letting Alex know that the offer still stands, but Alex just clears her throat, blushing a little bit more, before speaking

"Ah, it most certainly would be, but I need to finish preparing... everything." - Alex takes a breath and starts turning head toward the kitchen counters, but stops herself, too late though. Kelly noticed the movement and glances in that direction.

On the counters sit couple of bags with food in them. She looks back at Alex - "Everything? You mean dinner? Because Alex, I've heard about your cooking abilities-" - in that moment Alex fakely gasps and takes a step back, feigning offence, but Kelly just continues - "and I'm not sure we are on this stage of our relationship." - she finishes with teasing smile, missing feel of Alex's arms around her already. Her words cause a small laugh in Alex.

"Right." - she places one of her hands on her hip, the other is pointing finger at Kelly - "And I am not making dinner, but I'll have you know that I'm taking cooking lessons from J'onn."

"Really?" - the feeling of disappointment appears, not in Alex, no, never, especially not for wanting to learn how to cook. But in herself, has she really been so preoccupied with herself and... everything that she wasn't there for Alex to tell her?

"Yeah." - Alex scratches back of her neck once more - "I figured that if I want to be a mom, I can't let my kid live only on takeout." - she finishes with a shrug and Kelly just smiles moving forward to wrap Alex in a hug

"God, Alex, that's amazing, I'm so proud of you!"

"Yeah?"

Kelly looks at Alex's vulnerable expression, gosh, this woman... - "Of course." - she says, then proceeds to peck tip of Alex's nose, making Alex smile. Good. - "But what about the bags then?"

This time Alex turns her upper body in direction of the kitchen and glances at it - "Oh that?" - when she turns back to Kelly there is a beautiful smile on her face - "I'll let you know the second thing today." - she says, two fingers up - "I might not be best with preparing regular dishes, but!" - she makes a dramatic pause - "But I'm one of the two masters of comfort food in the Danvers family. Snacks are my specialty." - she adds and winks

Kelly can feel her eyebrow raising while she's crossing hands over her chest - "And who is the second master?"

"Chief Kara Danvers of course." - and Kelly can barely keep it, Kara? Really? Is she supposed to believe that? Kara Danvers, who, according to stories, is almost as bad in kitchen as Alex? Alex must've noticed that Kelly doesn't buy it, because she continues - "Really." - she shakes her head, next words oozing of disappointment - "You don't believe me"

"No way, pictures or that didn't happen."

Alex snorts - "You will have more than pictures." - then she is placing her hands on Kelly's upper arms - "Now, you go take that shower and I'll prepare everything and the late lunch/early dinner will be here in more or less 30 minutes."

"You're so demanding today." - she says, wide smile on her face as she starts slowly walking

"Go shower woman!" - Alex says, laughing and pointing at the door to the bathroom.

"So demanding!" - she repeats, voice raised while closing the bathroom door. Then she leans on it, smile disappearing from her face.

She takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. Alex makes her forget, just only her presence relaxes Kelly, when she isn't asking about-

She shakes her head, as if that would push her thoughts and memories away, she wish it would, but at the same time, she feels guilty not thinking about it. Feeling like she's disrespecting the memory.

She sighs, taking her clothes off and walking into the shower cabin.

Stop. No thinking. Time to listen to her girlfriend and enjoy the water.

_DNS_

Now, it's a little more than 30 minutes later. She's feeling better, the hot shower helped her stiff muscles. She is wearing comfortable clothes, standing in living room, hands holding the towel she was using to dry her hair while leaving bathroom when she stopped, her mind processing one thing:

There is Supergirl in her home.

And she is standing next to her girlfriend while they are talking, laughing and filling empty tartlets shells with various creams. They also place various fruits and other additions on top of them. She can see strawberries, bananas, few pears, but also grated chocolate and something that looks like chocolate but is white on one side and dark on the other?

What in the world is happening?

Not long after asking herself the question, Alex's gaze moves from the tartlet she is holding to her - "Kelly!" - Supergirl turns then, trademark smile on her face - "How was the shower?" - Alex asks, but Kelly can do nothing but look between them and their encouraging expressions.

"Good, it was good, relaxing." - she says the words, but they sound far away, like she's underwater. How can she ask what the hell is Supergirl doing in her home, preparing snacks, without sounding rude?

Luckily she doesn't have to figure it out, as Supergirl's smile widens. She approaches Kelly with an outstretched hand - "Hey, it's nice to meet you, I'm Supergirl."

"I know." - she doesn't feel even as half sure as she sounded while shaking hands.

Supergirl's eyes widen at her tone, she is not rude or anything, but for someone who is Alex's girlfriend and sister of James Olsen known as Superman's friend, it's obvious she is Supergirl. The hero glances back at amused Alex (even if she's trying to hide the amusement, but if Kelly can see it Supergirl can too) and then looks at Kelly, placing hands on her own hips - "Right! Of course you know!" - short, awkward laugh follows those words - "I hope you don't mind that I helped Alex a little bit." - Kelly galnces around the room, is that Alex's TV? - "But she has told me a lot about you" - she sends Alex questioning look to which Alex just shrugs, while Supergirl speaks - "and I wanted to finally meet you."

Her?

She doesn't say it aloud, just smiles, holding towel in both hands - "It actually is very.. surprising but nice to meet you, Supergirl."

She still keeps the wide smile on her face - "Ah, yes, it wasn't something we planned." - small, fake cough interrupts Supergirl, who glances back at Alex - "But anyone important to Alex is important to me." - Kelly can see how Supergirl's expression hardens - "Because she is important to me." - it makes Kelly swallow

"Supergirl" - Alex interrupts again and Kelly is able to hear a warning in her voice.

Supergirl's eyes widen, right before she glances back at Alex, just to look at Kelly again and say - "Right" - while rubbing her hands. Then she once more smiles, placing hands on hips - "It was nice meeting you, but I'll leave two of you alone." - with last smile she turns to Alex once more - "I'll see you tomorrow." - and then flies away through the window.

Surprised by what just happened, Kelly looks at Alex, who is on route to the window - "Is she always like this?"

Alex closes the window slowly, then turns back to her with a slightly shy smile on her face - "No." - she pauses - "Only when she is nervous."

She frowns, she's missing something - "Then why she was acting that way now?" - Alex raises her eyebrows, meaningful expression on her face. Realization dawns on Kelly, but that's impossible... - "Are you saying she was nervous to meet me?" - Alex pursued lips, still raised eyebrows are as clear answer as simple yes would be, but Kelly shakes her head - "That's ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? Why?" - she comes, closer and wraps hands around Kelly's waist again, she seems so confident, maybe a little too full of herself, when she leans to whisper in Kelly's ear - "Is it so hard to believe that she was nervous to meet you?" - she can feel Alex's lips leaving a kiss right under her ear - "You're a smart, passionate woman and so, so gentle" - Alex kisses her forehead then and Kelly can feel tears gathering in her eyes - "what shows the strength you have inside you, the strength you share with your patients, family, friends.. me, when we need it, yet you're so gentle and soothing, and you're just the woman I care about so-"

Alex's monologue is cut short when Kelly hugs her, the wet towel presses against Alex's back, Kelly's arms squeeze her hard while she hides face into her shoulder. Alex is surprised at first, not expecting Kelly to initiate anything while she was speaking, especially not so abruptly and... wait, are those tears she feels against skin of her shoulder? - "Hey, Kel-" - but she stops as soon as she feels Kelly shaking her head and moving hand into Alex short hair, pulling her as close as possible. Alex hands move on Kelly's back, trying to soothe her, after some time Kelly pulls back - "What ha-" - once more in such short amount of time, she is interrupted, this time by Kelly taking Alex's head into her hands and kissing her, delicately, unvaryingly, then she pulls back from it too, smiling even if in her eyes tears are still visible, shaking her head

"I don't deserve you."

Alex tries her hardest to keep her face cool, trying not to show how unnerved she is by this statement. She takes the towel from Kelly's hand and speaks - "And who is being ridiculous now?"

Kelly doesn't respond, just looks down, biting her lower lip while Alex keeps her in her arms, finally she looks up - "You promised me a dinner?"

Once more Alex is a little taken aback and she hopes it doesn't show. She sees the question for what it is - Kelly avoiding talking about whatever is bothering her. Now more than ever she wants to make Kelly tell her what's going on, but she promised she won't do that today and she will keep her promise. So Alex one more time rubs Kelly's back and nods, forcing a, hopefully, believable smile - "I did." - then she turns, one arm wrapped around Kelly's waist, leading her to the couch - "You sit here and I..." - she trails off, letting Kelly sit while she takes a blanket and puts it on Kelly's crossed legs, getting a raised eyebrow in response, but she doesn't react to that, just walks to kitchen counter. Once there she leaves the towel on it and takes still warm food boxes (thanks to Kara's heatvision), then walks back to her girlfriend, presenting one of the boxes to her.

Kelly gasps, what brings smile to Alex's face when she sits down next to her - "Is it my favourite from that Korean place on the other side of the city?" - she kisses Alex's cheek - "You didn't have to!"

Holding her box in her hand, she battles her end of the blanket and finally menages to get under it - "Ha!" - she let's out a triumphant cry because of that, then looks at grinning Kelly. She has to admit, the boxes look similar to the ones from that place, but... - "No, it's not." - she winces at her words a little - "I mean. It's the dish, but not from that place."

"Well it's delicious anyway, where did you get it?"

Alex grins - "Supergirl brought it from South Korea."

Kelly pauses mid-chew, she's clearly bewildered. She swallows and croaks - "What?"

Alex shrugs nonchalantly while opening the box - "There are certain perks of knowing Supergirl that most people don't know."

Kelly says nothing, just looks at her box, lips forming small smile while she shakes her head, still clearly not believing it - "Thank you."

Alex doesn't respond, just observes her girlfriend eating for some time, until finally she moves and kisses top of Kelly's head, before starting eating too.

_DNS_

They ate in comfortable silence, now, Kelly is leaning on the back of the couch, arms spread, head leaning back and eyes closed, small smile is gracing her lips.

Alex stretches and then gets up, taking empty boxes with her and throwing them into the trash can. Then she digs into another bag, as soon as she finds what she was looking for, she hides it behind her back.

"Okay, so!" - Kally opens her eyes and looks at Alex lazily. Alex's heart warms at the sight of Kelly being comfortable - "The dinner is not the only thing I've planned for today." - she pauses, taking next steps forward while Kelly hums questionably - "Yep. There is something more, but you will have to decide." - she stops next to the couch, hands keeping the thing behind her back - "You see, you have to choose what we will watch." - she shows the box to Kelly, holding it in left hand while right stays behind her back - "It's either Addams family" - she moves the box back behind - "orrr... the Addams family!" - she once again moves the box forward, this time holding it in right hand mainly.

Kelly laughs at that and Alex has to admit, this is one if the best sounds she heard today - "Wow. What a though choice!"

Alex smiles and speaks softly - "I know, but you're full capable of making it. I believe in you."

Kelly hums, making the fake wondering face, which includes tapping a finger against her chin - "As hard as this choice is, I think we should pick the Addams family."

"Excellent choice!" - Alex walks to Kelly and pecks her lips, before preparing the movie and bringing the snacks.

When everything is ready she sits down, once more getting under the blanket, this time Kelly moves closer to her and snuggles into her side. Alex looks at her, holding the remote in right hand, pointing it at TV - "Are you comfortable?" - a nod against her shoulder is the only answer she gets before she speaks - "Good." - and presses play.

_DNS_

Throughout the movie they changed their positions. Alex is laying on her back now, head resting on pillows that are leaning on the couch's armrest, Kelly is on top of her, blanket draped her body, covering both of them. Her head is resting on Alex's chest, both of their heads turned to the TV, most of the snacks already eaten. Alex, for some time, have been following the plot less and less. Her thoughts drift to DEO and what else she can do to prepare her agants to deal with threats they are facing daily, the same goes for Supergirl or how they can help Nia control her powers, among other things and on top of being tired.

That's also why she doesn't notice Kelly shifting in her arms, how she moved her head to look at Alex's face till she kisses her jaw. Alex moves her gaze to her, not having to speak for Kelly to know she has all of Alex's attention now.

Kelly smiles sadly, finger following imagined path from under Alex's eye, down her cheek, to her jaw, before she lays down again, hiding her face in Alex's neck and sighing heavily before speaking - "It's the anniversary." - Alex frowns, the anniversary? They don't have any sort of anniversary today, nor few days ago. What could Kelly mean by that? Alex can feel Kelly curling in on herself slightly, closed fist gripping Alex's shirt - "Her death anniversary." - Alex feels like facepalming herself, but instead of doing this she grips Kelly, keeping her flush against her body, especially when she feels tears against her skin - "And I know I should've told you sooner..."

"No, shhhh." - Alex uses the softest tone she can, rubbing Kelly's back - "You didn't have to, I know it's painful for you."

She can feel Kelly nodding and then shaking her head - "It is, but I had to." - Kelly swallows, pulling back far enough that now they can look into eachother's eyes. Alex raises her hand, wiping tears traces from one of Kelly's cheeks. Then Kelly moves off Alex's body, sitting on the other end of the couch, space between them. Alex can feel herself frowning and sits up too, staying where she is but ready to move to her girlfriend's side any second - "Before this day was easier." - and Alex can feel her frown deepening, how it could be easier? But she doesn't have to time to ask as Kelly continues, looking down at her hands - "Before I knew what to do. The week came and I was sad, in despair... and this year?" - she laughs bitterly - "Now I have you and... and you make me feel happy, even during-" - she is cut off by a sob, but she quickly holds her hand up, stopping Alex from moving closer. Kelly takes few breaths, trying to calm herself while Alex is aching to wrap her hands around her, to hold her close - "And I feel bad about being happy with you during that time. I know this is stupid, but I can't help it." - she let's out defeated sigh, hiding part of her face behind hand

"Oh" - it's all Alex says, slowly scooting closer to Kelly, once she sees no resistance she pulls her into a hug, resting her chin on top of her girlfriend's head - "Shhh, it's okay. Being happy-" - because of being with Alex, if the circumstances were different she'd have a wide grin on her face! Truth to be told, even now she fights one - "is not disrespectful to her or her memory." - she wants to say more, but Kelly nods, a motion Alex can feel against her body

"I know, but I can't help it."

Alex hums, tightening her hold - "And that's okay too. What you usually do?" - Kelly doesn't answer even after a moment of silence, so Alex continues - "The fact that we are together doesn't mean you can't get through those days the way you always do." - she kisses top of Kelly's head - "Do you want me to leave?" - she asks, but hopes her girlfriend will say no. Alex doesn't want to leave her now. Luckily Kelly shakes her head and tightens her hold on Alex - "Okay, okay. What do you need me to do?"

"Just hold me?"

"Always."

_DNS_

A few days later Alex finds herself walking, Kelly in front of her, holding her hand, pulling Alex after her. They haven't said a word since leaving the car, communicating through glances and hand squeezes.

After a while they find themselves in front of a white tombstone, black letter form, among other things, the name of person buried here - Amy Valdis, Kelly's fiancée.

Kelly let's go of Alex hand and crouches in front of the tombstone, Alex takes step back, to give her space.

They stay like that, in silence as Kelly is not saying anything either, but Alex is sure she is monologuing inside her head. It's something Alex did herself at her dad's grave, when they still thought he was dead, not wanting to show the weakness so her sister and mom wouldn't have to worry about her, yet still wanting to let Jeremiah know about so many things.

The cold wind blows a little bit more strongly, making Alex hide her hands in jacket's pockets. She swallows, looking at still crouching Kelly, to the tombstone again. This time a new thing catches her attention, but she doesn't want to bother Kelly if she's in the middle of monologue. Instead she remembers that information, hides chin in the standing collar and waits.

_DNS_

After another long while, she shifts.

Apparently it pulls Kelly out of her trance, because she glances at Alex, who uses that chance and asks - "Haven't you said that she died on 10th?"

"Yes"

"Then why-"

Kelly gets up, still facing tombstone - "Someone made a mistake while filling the documentation at the base, they put nine instead of zero, so Amy's family thinks she died on 19th."- Alex frowns, no-one tried to fix that? - "It's actually helpful, I can come here on anniversary of her death and don't have to... deal with questions from her family."

That catches Alex attention - "Don't they know that you two were engaged?"

Kelly stands still - "No, as you know it was a secret, no-one knew."

"Yes but" - Alex takes a couple of steps closer - "when you came back, didn't you tell them?"

"No, Amy was dead and they didn't know me, there was no point." - Alex nods, even if Kelly can't see that. She walks closer to the tombstone, placing a dime on it, then turning and walking back to Alex, stopping on arm long distance - "She would have liked you."- says Kelly and there is a smile, exhausted, but still a smile, on her face

Alex gaze shifts from Kelly to the name on the tombstone and she nods once more - "I'd like her too."

With corner of her eye she can see Kelly scrunching her face a little, before she speaks - "How do you know that?" - Alex looks at Kelly and she continues - "I mean, I didn't really tell you much about her.." - Kelly trails off

"That's true." - Alex says slowly and then looks back at the tombstone - "But you loved-" - she stops, shakes her head and starts again - "you love her. And I can't think of many compliments as huge as being loved by you."

When Alex looks back up, expression on Kelly's face means that she finds what Alex just said, utterly cute and heartwarming, and she can't come up with some sort of answer. Instead she walks closer to Alex, kissing her cheek and wrapping arms around her waist, while resting her head in crook of Alex neck. Alex wraps hands around Kelly too, pulling her closer.

And they stay like that for some time.

In silence.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for all mistakes
> 
> Name meaning:  
Amy - dearly loved, beloved  
Valdis - "goddess of the slain in battle"


End file.
